Late Night Thoughts

It feels like I keep failing the same lesson over and over again. I like to say baby steps are still steps but have I made any progress? I get so stuck in this cycle of wanting to grow and then questioning my growth. There’s this constant need for validation from someone else which defeats the purpose of what I’m actually trying to do. I’m trying to show up for myself more often. I deserve to stand strong in my corner yet there are some days where I feel like I’ve really failed in that aspect. Those are the days I feel like I am lying to myself the most and it’s hard.

I feel like I’m always stuck in this cycle of right person, wrong time. That seems to be the pattern for me. Is that even a thing? Or are they the wrong people? And it’s just not my time for a love so infinite. Maybe I’m just too fixated on love and romance. Maybe I’m asking for too much from the universe and these connections I make are signs that I need to stop asking and let it all happen in its own time. Well if I could stop meeting the incredible people I meet then maybe I would stop asking. It’s so hard to walk away from a connection you feel so tightly bonded to. How do you walk away from a connection where it’s been nothing but natural and easy flowing? How do you walk away from someone who makes you feel like sunshine?

You try, I guess. You do what you can to distance yourself from the feeling because at the end of the day, feelings are temporary. And you shouldn’t decide on someone who can’t decide on you. You are worth more than indecisiveness. You are worth more than being held onto from a distance. You deserve to receive love whole and completely.

I just have to keep reminding myself of that.

Up Before Everyone

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